Friday, April 01, 2016

Polynesians were first to settle Orange County

It’s just like Thor Heyerdahl told us. Except in reverse. Sort of.

No one has known the identity of the so-called “Oak Grove people” (or “Milling Stone Horizon peoples”) who inhabited Southern California 6,000 years ago. They disappeared long before the arrival of the Shoshonean people who were here to meet the Portola Expedition and the Spanish Missionaries.
Orange County historian Chris Jepsen holds a cogged stone or cogstone.
It was previously believed that the Oak Grove people had left few archaeological clues about their identities and their lives. Among those clues were the mysterious cogged stones which have been dug up by local farmers, gardeners, pot hunters and archaeologists for generations.

But new facts have come to light, and it appears that those earliest residents were Polynesians. How do we know? Check out these artifacts, uncovered within the last 15 years:
The ancient, ruined Tiki idol above was excavated in Sunset Beach, in front of Sam's Seafood restaurant in 2006. In the image below, a similar pagan idol is exposed after a heavy rain in the backyard of a home in Floral Park, Santa Ana.
Indeed, carved effigies typical of the South Seas seem to be widely distributed throughout the Orange County area.
Shown above is another Tiki found in the yard of a private residence -- This time on a hill overlooking San Juan Capistrano. Below are two earthen drinking vessels uncovered in Laguna Beach. It's believed they were used for religious ceremonies.

The "Garden Grove Place of Refuge" (shown above) was excavated in front of a suburban apartment complex. Caches of tiny fetish carvings may sometimes be found at such sites, like the Tikis seen below, which were found on the site of the Garden Grove Elk's Lodge in 2015.
Perhaps most spectacularly, an entire Polynesian temple has been uncovered in south Anaheim. (See photo below.) Structurally, it is in remarkably good condition. Unfortunately, it's infested with birds.
To prove the theory of Polynesian colonization, amateur anthropologists built a replica of an ancient Polynesian raft (shown below) and used the prevailing currents to float from Papeete, Tahiti all the way to the docks in front of Pizza Pete’s in Newport Beach.
On their journey across the Pacific, the anthropologists experienced thrilling adventures and terrifying scenarios, including spotty mobile phone coverage, rationing of hair conditioner, and an uneven ratio of hot dogs to buns. The story of their voyage is expected to be turned into a documentary, a lengthy book, an action movie, a children’s picture book, a Broadway musical, a chain of restaurants and a new flavor of chewing gum.


Anonymous said...

You're funny.....April Fool to you, too. Cousin Barbara

Anonymous said...

This is great.


Chuck said...

Simply brilliant.

Werner Weiss said...

The proof of this can be established with an archeological excavation at 226 S. Harbor Boulevard in Santa Ana.

Chris Jepsen said...

Werner: Yes, they found amazing stuff while grading the land for Our Lady of Lavang church!

RAPman said...

Actually, it is not inconceivable that Polynesians could have sailed to North America. According to Smithsonian Magazine, Hawaii - History and Heritage, Polynesians were the first to settle the Big Island of Hawaii by sailing in canoes from the Marquesas Islands. It is 2300 miles from the main island of Hiva Oa in the Marquesas to Hilo on the east coast of Hawaii, with nothing but a few uninhabited atolls in between. It is 2451 miles to San Pedro from Hilo -- only 151 miles farther than to Hiva Oa.